We, The Consortium, are a mixture of fans, businessmen and sports people who believe we can bring Bury FC to the forefront of English & European Football. Current members are Pete Zaparla, Arne Uldiron, Abram Romanovic, Del Starbuck, William Christopher, Jimmy Fazakerly, and Wim Bonus. Media manager is Anna Kins. What are we up to? Read on ...
If not by direct action, then by stealth - email@example.com
Saturday, November 29, 2003
Friday, November 28, 2003
When he is telephoning me earlier he is telling me an interesting story about this weeks opponents, FC Macks Field. Apparently the team used to be called FC Moss Rose, until some years ago they got a Finnish Manager called Sammi Mack. This fellow brought some success to the team, but he is best remembered for the ground improvements he instigated. Eventually he left FC Moss Rose to return to his homeland and take over some Northern Island team (I think Trousersnake must be referring to Iceland here, or maybe one of the Faroe Island group) and as a tribute to him the Directors changed the name to FC Macks Field. Trousersnake says they like to weave about and show off their silky skills
My informant is also whispering that one of the midfield is a potential weak link, but since the names are in French, I can’t tell which one it is
Team against FC Macks Field
Monday, November 24, 2003
Christmas is just around the corner, and Arne tells me he's keen to start getting the Consortium more in the public eye. Over a nice slab of damp squid, we have put phase 1 of the Sir William merchandise into play for Xmas; keep it real and live it large!
Friday, November 21, 2003
If yer can't frisk your fans and haul their ass out of there faster than a snip from Lorena Bobbitt's scissors (you fellas know what I mean there) then yo'll be inundated with more darn redneck cussin' hillbilly's than Hicksville, Tennessee, yes sirree! We don't stand for no cussin' or frettin' here in deepest Texas, no mama - if those pussies can't stand the heat, send em runnin'.
Back to soccer, and I hear that the latest loan signing is out for 3 months with a bad shoulder. What kind o' poor-ass hokey medics you got over there in li'l ole England anyhow? As my friend Dr Alan B Wolfscales is fond of sayin', if you can't rack em, stack em, pack em and bag em within a week, they ain't worth savin'. Good to see the boys winning again last weekend, that gives them a division-leading ERA on the road.
Gotta haul ass, my friends. Tell Dmitri that ole One Eye says hi. Holla if yo hear me, and don't you go forgettin' now - a Bush in the hand is worth two minutes of anyone's time.
His scottish charm, sincere manner and downright scariness meant that I had no choice but to accede when he turned up at my house a few weeks ago at 2am.
Mozo insists that he will return this club to the glory days that he knows I strive for. Our disappointing exit from the FA Cup means that we will find it difficult to get into Europe next season but I had a quick word with Gerard Aigner at UEFA HQ in Switzerland last week and should we wield this season's LDV Vans Shield it should yield a UEFA cup spot for next season.
No news of our Saudi based investor. He seems to have gone to ground, or maybe even the training ground? I hope he was not, how you say, holding a laugh. Abram doesn’t like people making the fool from him, as Dmitri has been known to point out, from close range
Team against FC Norse Hampton & Cobblers; Trousersnake tells me we are up against eleven big lads
Which one is pneumatic? Is it the boy with the big jugs, this fellow they call Melinda?
Thursday, November 13, 2003
Interesting news regarding our consortium membership. We have had an approach from a potential new investor based in Saudi Arabia. Apparently he is big in the oil business, but also has personal experience of playing professional football at youth team level. Of course we will not be letting any Tom, Dick or Henning into our consortium but I am feeling he could be a big asset, although Abram is not so sure and is sending someone round to , how you say, have a word in his kneecaps
Just in from Trousersnake, team for Saturday's game against FC Bristols
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
I am feeling as full of gun with the Stolichnaya and herrings - very warm and enjoying good massages from the hotel twins.
I have been reading this website board from the Bury. What a hooty! This Bury is more lawless than Chechnya! A steward punches a fan - a Policeman has his head taken away - the fans call for the manager's head!
And what about this Judge who has an opinion on everything? Who is bribing this idiot?!
I have decided to send Dmitri in under deep cover to get the inside stories on who is doing who. I have bought him a big yellow jacket as I understand this is the favourite terrace fashions. I have told him no deaths but the kneecaps and gentle Chinese burns would be proper way of getting information.
Hmmmm. Aaaaagh... ooooooooo. I tell you boys. If you have never had twins you are not knowing much.
Lastly tovarichmees. I am much worried by the Arab person. Is he one of Osama Bin Laden front people? Is he real rich playboy type?
Or is he a club insider trying to drive up share price? Dmitri will be there soon...
Friday, November 07, 2003
It's darn fine to see that the coaches have got things running better from the sidelines now. The ERA is going up and with the back ends tightening up, there's a chance that Andy Preece can be totally offensive from now on.
There is something that disturbs me and makes me madder than a coyote that's been hammered with an ACME anvil, and that's the presence of two darn Canucks in the team. If there's one thing that gets my goat more than an early shutout at the Redneck Joe's BBQ House of Ribs, it's sports players from across the border. Stick to hockey, eh, and leave a man's game to your tougher cosuins in England.
We need more cheerleaders to pep up the fans. I've been hearing that there's one cheerleader that's been making waves among the fans, maybe we can get her to muck in and sort out the catering. Make mine a pastrami bagel with extra cheesy steak. Yes sirree bob!
As I told you before, my new friends are running a family business. They are keen to expand into the UK and I have told them that when our takeover is complete some of their junior family members can have jobs at Giggland, wearing the big yellow jackets
Good news; I have got a new man in the dressing room, after that unfortunate business with Thor Bentley. I can't reveal his name at this time, it must be strictly a "needing to know" basis. I shall call him Trousersnake for the moment. I have asked him to send me reports on the players like Thor used to do, and also give me the team news. So with this inside knowledge I will once again be a proper "Man in the knowings"
Here is Trousersnake's team for tomorrows big Cup game against FC RochFail
Which one is Mouth? That must be a nickname I am thinking. Maybe it is the boy Sedoni who is telling everybody about his fantastic goal against FC Darling Town