The Consortium

We, The Consortium, are a mixture of fans, businessmen and sports people who believe we can bring Bury FC to the forefront of English & European Football. Current members are Pete Zaparla, Arne Uldiron, Abram Romanovic, Del Starbuck, William Christopher, Jimmy Fazakerly, and Wim Bonus. Media manager is Anna Kins. What are we up to? Read on ...

If not by direct action, then by stealth -

Sunday, February 22, 2004

Strassveechi Lanky boys and gurls!

We are turning the thing round yes no? Some good Russian fighting spirit is in the team now and I see comrade Daly has put one nicely on the Oxford person. Nice one Jonny but take a tip from Dmitri and either do this thing when no-one is aware or get some clown to take the rap for you. Back to Southport you Amateur.

Who is this fool of an Oxford Manager? Why did the reggae boy want him when we have the Barrow?

Some news for the end of season party. I am flying out the team with some camp followers for some debauchery in a Bar in Benalmadena - not far from my yacht. The landlord is Bury and looks the other way for some Euros so we can smuggle in camp followers such as the cheerleader girl and the Besses lady. They will put a smile on the Kennedy boy!

Big plans for next season when the consortium finally uncovers the true owners of Bury and buys them out. Here is sneak view of business plan:

1. We sack caterers and open Bury black pudding outlets all over ground (local delicacy I'm told full of goodness). Charge simple £5 per pud = profit! Drinks? FB Beer and cheap orange from the pop man at simple £5 again. Genius!

2. Sack stewards. Dimitri takes care of trouble. He will have 2 men on roof at each end of Main stand with sniperscopes. Plus they can get balls hoofed up by Denis Whales.

3. Get games sponsored by Spanish cement factory (owned by me of course)

4. Finally - this is genius idea from Irina who is not all boobs and long legs. She shows me her new ipod earphones which have "noise cancelling" feature. It works by sampling noise and playing a wave to eliminate it. We will fit in South Stand so when moans begin we switch on to eliminate. Excellent! We need now to sample crowd noise from good crowd and play when we attack.

Anyway, I have an appointment with some twins who do excellent gymnastic synchronised massages and feel urges calling me!


Monday, February 09, 2004

Mission accomplished. Bury have been double-barrowed.

Friday, February 06, 2004

Long time, no post. Truth is, the ex-Gaffer and I have been living it very large up here in the frozen wastes, we had a rare old snowball fight across Barrow just the other day! Barrow-in-Furness that is, though I reckon the lad himself might get some grief tomorrow!

These Cumbrians are starting to get wind of our insider plans, so we're toning it down at this end for the minute. I hear Del and Abram have big things planned.

Tomorrow phase 1 of the plan is put into operation ...